When children experience trauma, their brains can become stuck in a “freeze” state, unable to process memories fully. This freeze response is a survival mechanism that activates when the body perceives an inescapable threat. Consequently, it causes us to shut down and become immobilized.
The problem arises when traumatic memories become frozen in the brain’s limbic system, which processes emotions and memories. Without the ability to grieve or recover from childhood trauma, we carry frozen emotional states into adulthood. As adults, certain triggers can reactivate these frozen memories, causing intense fear and helplessness. This can manifest in various ways, such as avoiding people, places, or activities that remind us of the trauma. Additionally, it may lead to dissociation or feeling disconnected from one’s surroundings.
Tragically, unresolved trauma can perpetuate across generations. Parents who experienced childhood trauma and remain stuck in a freeze response may inadvertently pass on emotional patterns to their children. This creates an inter-generational cycle of trauma that is difficult to break without proper intervention and healing. This can manifest in various ways, such as:
- Emotional dysregulation and overreactions to seemingly minor stressors
- Dissociation or feeling disconnected from one’s surroundings
- Hyper-vigilance and heightened anxiety in certain situations
- Avoidance of people, places, or activities that remind us of the trauma
The Fawn Response, Appease or Freeze?
In addition to the freeze response, many childhood trauma survivors develop a “fawn” response as a coping mechanism. The fawn response involves people-pleasing and submissive behaviors, often directed towards those perceived as threatening. For children experiencing abuse or neglect, fawning may be a survival strategy to avoid further harm. By prioritizing the needs of their abusers, they hope to maintain safety, even at their own expense. This response can become ingrained and carry over into adulthood, manifesting as assuming responsibility for others’ emotions or minimizing one’s own needs. This fawn response can become deeply ingrained and carry over into adulthood, manifesting as:
- Excessive people-pleasing and difficulty setting boundaries
- Minimizing or denying one’s own needs and emotions
- Assuming responsibility for others’ emotional states or reactions
- Appeasing those in positions of authority or power, even when mistreated
The fawn response is common in survivors of relational trauma, such as domestic violence. Victims may hope to reduce violence by appeasing their abusers, but this reinforces the cycle of abuse. Breaking free requires psychoeducation, trauma-informed therapy, and new coping strategies. With support and healing, it is possible to unfreeze traumatic memories, process emotions, and reclaim self-worth.
“Welcome to the Freeze Trauma Response. Unlike the other three responses ‘Fight, Flight and Fawn’, which are a call of action in the external world, Freeze happens in our bodies. Freeze is so fascinating. And as someone who really relates to this trauma response, I understand the dangers of it as well. It’s a reflexive response that’s turned inward and it’s greatly misunderstood.”
-Jennifer Wallace, Podcast Co-Host and Neuro Somatic Psychedelic Integration Guide,
From Brain-Based Wellness
Freeze or Flop?
A fifth response, “flop,” is a corollary to the freeze response. The main difference is that with flop, there is a physical disconnect. A person who has “flopped” may no longer be conscious or have somatic issues preventing a full response. In other words, someone with a freeze response may appear similar to someone with a flop response to the aggressor. However, the responder may have some conscious physical control, even if emotionally unable to react.
In some situations, freeze may be more advantageous than flop, especially if future actions are needed. Is freeze necessarily worse than fight or flight? In some ways, it seems safest. Often, it may be the most diplomatic in dangerous situations where no good outcome is possible. In life-threatening situations, this reaction may be life-saving, similar to a fawn response.
As parents, we might relive difficult moments through our children’s eyes. While it is instinctive to protect them, it might be more helpful to seek therapy for our traumas. By taking care of ourselves, we can be better role models for our children. Consider getting support from a group or therapist, especially if retraumatized while parenting. Or, at least, write about your experience in a journal. Perhaps one day, you can share it with someone, including your child, with wisdom.
Thank you for reading our article! This article was spawned from ideas by Terrence Kava and edited with the Ai program, “Perplexity”.
